Deny Yourself

I have a confession. I am not who people think I am. I recently did a Personality test and it came out looking like the capital letter L and my husband was shocked.

“Holy cow babe!” He exclaimed. “Do you know what this means?”

“Noooo,” I hesitantly answered, fearing he was going to say I had a serial killer’s profile.

“This means every thing that you do in life is opposite of what you really are,” he said.

“How so?” I asked.

“Well, you know how you perform on stage and are extroverted in public?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s not really you.”

The moment he said that everything clicked. He was exactly right. No one would ever believe that I am really an introverted, shy person but I always have been. When my dad one time heard about a little girl who waited by the door or five hours until her mom used to come pick her up at daycare he was shocked to hear that was me! That actually explains a lot of the exhaustion I feel after teaching children, playing on stage, and just simply going to church. As a matter of fact even though my husband Cuts multi million dollar deals at work every day, it is I who he chooses to haggle when buying cars. It is not my comfort zone. It is not not what I want to do, yet we always walk away with at least $1000 off asking price and usually a new set of tires LOL. Why? Because walking in this world best requires denying my (true, shy, introverted) self.

This seems counter culture in a world that always tells us to be authentic and be ourselves but it’s actually biblical. In Luke 9:23, Jesus tells us to deny ourselves and follow him. Jesus, ever the preacher of love and truth, admits that following him is not easy. Denying our flesh and selfish ambitions is not natural. But neither was dying on a cross.

Today, if you’re struggling to “be totally authentic” that’s ok. Instead, try being BETTER than you. Deny yourself and live the way HE leads.

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