One of the blessings of getting older is getting to see things from a different perspective. When young, the stories like David killing Goliath in the name of the Lord and Moses parting the Red Sea wowed and impressed us. They still do – not only for their miraculous nature but also for the faith represented: faith in God and a God who came through for them. As one gets older, you hear “the rest of the story” (as Paul Harvey used to say). You hear of the sinful nature of men, men who love the Lord but also mess up. It was surprising to learn one day that Moses was not allowed into the Promised Land. Moses, who stood before Pharaoh delivering God’s messages and parted the Red Sea and helped guide & advise the Israelites for 40 long years while walking in the desert wilderness. And for what? Hitting, instead of talking to, a rock. That seems pretty steep of a price to pay. I hesitate to say it, but I was kind of surprised Moses did not get mad and leave it all, including God. 40 years of service to God doing things he didn’t want to do, starting at age 80, when most men might have been thinking of retirement – to be met with a “do not enter” at the last stretch of the race? That is a hard one.
But Moses remained faithful. I always wondered how he could.
And then there’s David. A man after God’s own heart, who brought down Giants, conquered nations, helped lead God’s people back into a right relationship with Him, and saved & prepared for the rebuilding of the temple – but who, in his later years, faced incredible heartbreak within his own household that would run him off the throne & out of his own territory for a while. Despite David’s bravery through fear and lifelong service, God did not miraculously fix his problems. But David remained dedicated to God, his last Psalm believed to be either Psalm 145 or Psalm 72 which read:
“I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever. Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty— and I will meditate on your wonderful works. They tell of the power of your awesome works— and I will proclaim your great deeds. They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. All your works praise you, Lord; your faithful people extol you. They tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might, so that all people may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.” (Psalms‬ ‭145‬:‭1‬-‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬; psalm 72 in the photo below)
How so?
The reason the men of renown were able to remain loyal to God long after the youthful days of glory and through their disappointment lies in the words of the Psalm when David speaks of God’s goodness, graciousness & compassion, and how He is trustworthy, merciful and a good Father, true to His promises. The older men of renown had the blessing of having those perspectives because they had seen it all firsthand. They truly knew God’s nature, that His judgments are just and His decisions are right – and that they had been blessed with mercy far outweighing anything they ever deserved. If asked the question, “Why did you stay faithful to your God?” I could see them replying like Simon Peter who stated, “To whom else could we go?” They had lived long enough and seen enough to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is none other like God – and no one worth leaving Him for. Their loyalty stands as a testament and testimony for all of us: the God of the mountaintop is also the God of the valley and worthy of all praise, no matter our current circumstance. Thank you Lord for all that You are & all that You do! -April Estes

There’s a change that happens when you go through long periods of crises. No matter how seasoned or devout in your walk with God, your mind starts playing with you. Whether it’s one long, drawn-out struggle, or perhaps life giving you just one hit after another, the enemy gets in your head. There’s a quote that says, “If someone tells you something long enough, you start to believe it.” When you go through hard times, the enemy sends unconscious thoughts that act as Job’s friends –  accusing, shaming, lying about you and to you. Even though you stand up under pressure day after day, the message goes from “You are weary” to “You are weak.” Or “I’m tired of this” to “You can’t do this anymore.” You do what it takes to survive until one day you wake up and you don’t even recognize yourself. As with people in the Bible, there has been a big transition: there is now a warrior, who used to be a farmer; a judge who was a stay at home mom; a queen who was an orphan; a King of the world who used to be a slave. The way life molded you to have to survive your battles sometimes makes you not even recognize yourself anymore. You find yourself crying out to God to replace your heart of stone with a heart of flesh again. Tired of all the inner turmoil, you turn to your Father. In weeping, heartfelt plea, you recognize the irony when you find yourself praying, “I know who you are, but who do you say that I am?”

I have noticed some things in life: There always seems to be a nugget of truth in the arrows that the enemy hurls. And many times, it can be used against him and his message. 

Yes, you are tired. Yes, you are weak. Yes, you are not as swift, or as strong, or as “with it” as you used to be. But the deception lies in the distraction of the word he uses: you. 

Yes, you are tired, and weary, and weak, and sinful, and dirty, and not perfect, and not worthy. 

So what? 

All of that is true, but it is OK. 

But why? 

Because it’s not about you. And it’s not totally up to you, or only on your back, or in your hands. The truth is, you are weak and selfish and sinful and fall short,  but you have a Father who is strong, quick, mighty, and long suffering, who does not grow weary or faint in the face of trials of the enemy, but stands around you guarding, protecting, and providing for you because He remembers you are “but dust,” and His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. You are weary, but not weak; confused, but not shaken; scared, but brave; wounded, but continuing; disenchanted, but surrendered; sinful, but repentant; guilty, but forgiven. You are not the mistakes of your past; you have a hope and a future, promised and planned and provided by a God who cannot lie, and whose promises last forever. 

Tired of the lies of the enemy that always remind you of what you are not, you ask the Lord, “What am I? Who do you say that I am?” And you hear the voice of truth say:

You are precious, loved, treasured;

valuable, wanted, capable and able;

perfect and blameless: robed in grace and made holy thru the blood of the only worthy One –

Saved.

Not condemed: holy, w/o blemish, innocent and unstained,

A new creation: an adopted descendant into a royal priesthood, an heir of the Promise.

You are my handiwork and masterpiece, created for the works that I prepared for you,

My ambassador: a reflection of my message a mouthpiece to the nations, and a light of hope to others.

You are my child, my beloved, my bride – a walking, talking, breathing testament of my promises. 

You are mine.

You are tired but renewed; weary but prepared; disenchanted but ready; slower but accurate; hesitant but wise; sinful but repentant; guilty but forgiven, saved, and unashamed.

You are not what the enemy has said you are, you are more. 

You are more than your past, your failures, and mistakes. You are actually more than conquerors in the fight, equipped to trample on snakes and scorpions, and the lion, cobra, and serpent – speaking truth to darkness, and bringing hope to the oppressed. 

Oh, my child, you are not worthless, or a loser, or a mistake. 

You are so. much. more. 

There is a time between the trial and the testimony.

It is a time of waiting.

The tornado has struck, the debris has been swept away, but you are still waiting.

You faced the crisis like a champ: faith never faltering, prayers never ceasing, fasting regularly

And you waited expectantly.

As you waited, you interceded – not just for your situation, but for others’ too.

You didn’t always feel what you believed, but you rode your friends’ coattails of faith, and checked everyday for the breakthrough.

You had doubts and you cried out to God to do something, still believing, still waiting on the miracle.

And you watched.

You watched, happily, as all the friends you’d been praying for got their blessing, or their deliverance, one after the other,

After the other,

After the other.

And yet, your deliverance had not yet come.

It felt like celebrating your older friends’ graduations – knowing you were still behind.

And you asked, “How long, Lord?”

Weeks, months, years go by – still, nothing.

Despite the delay, you still pray and fast and praise, 

Though with solemn reverence, now,

As you realize your utter helplessness, in asking God for something

only He can do.

In His way. 

In His time. 

You remember the stories of old, and know God will come through – 

But at what cost?

You are embarrassed to say you are embarrassed.

You did your best, did more than all the others around you,

And it failed.

When people hear your situation, you want to defend yourself –

Tell them all you did, all you sacrificed, all you tried

To no avail.

You swallowed your jealousy as you saw others who did far less than you

and have far less faith, get praised and receive the blessing you so coveted.

At your lowest, you have no words for your prayers.

You have learned the meaning of the phrase “deep sorrow.”

In desperation, you reminded God of all He promised –

Told Him He was the only one you trusted to make this right,

And threateningly begged for Him not to let you down

As you laid your baby in the basket in the river,

Placed your Isaac upon the altar of surrender

Not knowing, this time, what the answer would be.

You realized you might be like the Hall of Faith-ers,

Trembling when you realized you might not see the promise fulfilled before you go.

You wail and cry and beg and plead

When you hear a whisper to your heart,

“Wait, child.

I’m steadily working on it. 

And I know what I am doing.”

This time of waiting between the trial and testimony

Is the time of testing.

Where lessons are learned and hearts revealed,

When efforts seem futile and heaven is silent,

Yet faith becomes solid, despite the lag,

Where Creator and created are each reminded of their rightful places

And sit, together, in the storm.

Where peace is present, despite the conflict 

because of the mustard seed that says,

“My future is assured because of the One in whom I place my trust.”

Today I stopped hoping.
It has been three years since I had COVID & was stripped of my sense of smell. Thankfully, some has returned – but much has not. Peanut butter and coffee still taste like sawdust. And my favorite seasonal past time of smelling all the new scents at Bath & Body works? Can’t smell a thing. And what I can smell, I know is distorted. So, I would visit a store and walk away empty handed and sad – knowing my sniffer was “off.”
Maybe you’ve been there: stuck between what WAS and what IS. To let go of something you once desired so much is almost unimaginable, like the death of a dream. And what lies before you? It Doesn’t seem as good. I stayed stuck, too.
Until today.
Today I collected all the perfumes I could actually smell and made myself choose one. Notice that word “made.” Because, honestly, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want the new fragrances that were total opposite of what i normally would’ve picked. I wanted to return to my old, familiar perfumes – only they didn’t suit me anymore. What WAS was no longer. I was forced with the choice of getting a perfume I couldn’t even smell or choosing something new – in faith – that met my needs NOW.
Maybe the reason stepping out in faith is so hard is because we are saying goodbye to the familiar – trusting with a mere mustard seed of faith that what lies ahead will not fail us, based on nothing but a new hope. But you know what I learned? Choosing what you need NOW hurts less than hoping for something that will probably never be. I pray we all have the bravery to step out in faith to try something new! Even if it means being content in the discontent. sweetmimosa.blog

I worry in America we suffer the most from lack of discipline. We eat what we want, wear what we want, say what we want & act like we want, Sometimes to the detriment of ourselves and others. We are largely controlled by our feelings. Instead of letting our feelings be a gauge for something, we let it be THE thing. We don’t exercise because “we don’t feel like it.” We don’t do service things because “it’s not my nature.” We don’t eat right because “we don’t like it.” I am convinced we could follow our feelings into the pit of hell if we are not careful. Instead, We have put the cart before the horse. Feelings were never meant to be the “end all, be all,” but, rather, a guide. You’re hungry and want to eat a whole chocolate cake? So, do you eat a whole chocolate cake? No. You take that feeling of hunger and eat something HEALTHY. You want to punch someone in the throat. Do you? No. You use that feeling to know something is amiss and try to solve it productively. Feels are the gauge, or warning, to us that some action might be needed, not orders to follow. As Christians, we are called to deny ourselves and there is sweet freedom in not being controlled by the whims of our feelings. Recently someone made the point that we find ourselves saying “That was a good worship service” based on how WE feel, if WE get the chills, if WE get an endorphin rush. I admit i’ve fallen into this myself. Problem? WORSHIP IS NOT FOR US. IT’S FOR GOD. So, I began to be mindful when I sang the words that didn’t “hit me,” rejoiced in the melodies that weren’t my favorites, and raised my hands when I didn’t always “feel it.” Why? Because my praise and my actions and even my opinions will not be dictated by my feelings. My praise will be a living sacrifice to God, whether I’m “feeling it” or not. My actions will no longer be dictated by what I feel, but what will bring God the glory. And even my opinions will not be determined by my feelings, but filtered through what God and the Bible have to say. We have to stop letting our feelings be our master!

Symbolism saturates the Bible, from the waters of baptism that wash away our sins to the Holy Communion that represents Christ’s body. God loves symbols. He put the rainbow in the sky to symbolize his promise and instructed his people to erect stones to remind them of HIS promises. The tribes of Israel were even arranged as they are in heaven! It is no surprise, then, that even the resurrection contains a symbol. You see, in the Old Testament people were sometimes sentenced to death for their sins. It was the worst sins that evoked this sentence. And it’s method? The culprit was put in the middle of a circle and stoned to death. It should come as no surprise, then, that when Jesus resurrected from the dead, He rolled the stone away. Not just the large stone in front of his grave, but every stone of death. The stone of adultery, the stone of drunkenness, the stone of murder – all were rolled away by Jesus. He took the burden and the shame and the sting away, deflecting every stone destined and intended for us – saving us from eternal death. Yes, he rolled the stone away. Every single one.

On the day we celebrate Jesus’ birth, I often think of Mary. She received a prophesy about the child she was to bear, but no handbook. She, like all us parents, lived in the apprehension of the unknown. She was given hints, however. After Jesus was born, 3 wise men from the East came, bringing gifts of gold, frankincense & myrrh. Gold, fitting for a King. Frankincense, used in burial. And myrrh was used as an anointing oil to consecrate priests and kings. It was also used in embalming. How strange would it be for a mom to receive a coffin at the birth of her child? But each and every gift pointed to Jesus’s purpose and destiny: He was born royalty: King of the Jews, to cleanse and redeem us as our High Priest, through his death on the cross. Born for our salvation, but born to die. Living as a Light to the world, but always in the shadow of the Cross to come. Praise God for his infinity love & to Jesus, who submitted to the Father to the point of death for our redemption & restoration!

The journey of faith is a (sometimes scary) emotional rollercoaster. On one hand, it acts as a safety net & simultaneously teases. Mary was told she would have the Son of God (emotional high), but she was an unmarried young woman (emotional low), but she knew God would sustain her (emotional high). Joseph was told he would rule (high) but then got sold into slavery (low), thrown into prison (double low), all with the “failed prophecy” hanging over his head (triple low) only to become VP of the world (high). When we find ourselves in “the pit,” part of us wants to mourn and wail and cry…and yet….there is something that whispers “this is not the end.” It is both comforting and teasing. Comforting, because it is not the end. But teasing because we don’t know how things will play out. Sometimes our mustard seed of faith feels more like a wish whispered on the wind, unstable & unsecured. We fleshly want to fall apart, yet faith reminds us of that thing called hope. Hope. Nothing in itself, but EVERYTHING in the hands of God. If you find yourself in the pit, keep believing. Keep praying. Keep hoping.

My daughter recently shared a verse that has become one of my favorites: Genesis 49:24. the proceeding verses talk about Joseph & how he was attacked on every side, yet “his bow remained taut.” My son has recently taken up archery & I have learned 2 things: if the bow is not taut, the arrow won’t go far and if the bow is not taut, the arrow also will not go in the intended direction. Likewise, if our intentions do not remain solid, we are like a wandering arrow at the mercy of a lax bow. But notice the second part of the verse “(his bow remained taut) because of the strength (he received) from the Lord.” Lest we begin to brag in our strength, we are reminded that even THAT is from the Lord! Let us all strive to have taut bows in the midst of trial!

Sometimes faith makes you look stupid. It did Noah as he built an ark. It did Moses’ mother, as she fashioned a basket for a baby destined to die. And it did me, today.
Today as I was getting ready, the Lord urged me to tAke a beaded bracelet to a new friend. I worried I would look stupid – I had no idea if she even liked braceletS. But I took it.
Before I got there, I saw on fb SOMEONE HAD GIVEN HER SOME BEADED BRACELETS JUST THAT MORNING! What are the chances??? I was tempted for a second to cave to the false god of reason & not give her the bracelet when I heard the Lord whisper, “i told you to give her the bracelet, regardless of what others have done.” I felt silly. I felt stupid. But I gave her the bracelet.
Faith does that sometimes: asks you to do the illogical. Many times acts of faith don’t make sense and we might never know the point. But that’s why they call it faith.
If you feel an urge, but it seems “stupid,” – DO IT! Step out into the unknown and watch God work wonders you never even dreamed of! You will only feel stupid for a moment, I promise! 😄