Life rarely goes as planned. And if you’re a believer, that’s almost a guarantee. We exchange our blessings of having the Lord’s provision and protection for also letting Him have His plan with us. For control freaks like me, this can be scary. But it needn’t be…

The prophet Samuel knew all about changed plans and disappointments. In I Samuel 16 We learn that Samuel is grieved, brokenhearted, that God is selecting another king. Perhaps he had grown to love Saul. Or perhaps he couldn’t imagine a better king then Saul. We are not told. We are just told that he is grieved. So God sends Samuel, still broken hearted and still grieving, to the house of Jesse. One after another Jesse’s sons pass by, rejected by God to serve as King. When Samuel sees the first son he even says, “This Is surely the king!” But, alas, he nor the six other brothers was selected. Finally, confused, Samuel asks if there are any other sons. As an embarrassing afterthought, they go fetch the youngest son David from the field who is watching the sheep. It says that David is handsome and ruddy, but was not the king that Samuel had in mind. He was probably very young, not even a man. Yet, we are told God selected him because “The Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” You see, the Lord is not limited by circumstance or time. He had time to grow young David into a man before serving as King.

Sometimes the Lords plans do not look like our plans. His ways are not our ways. Which is why we need to write our plans in pencil instead of permanent ink.

Because God can see the heart, It is important to be in constant prayer with him for guidance. Everything from jobs to choosing friends to finding a mate. There are somethings we cannot know because we cannot see the heart, but God can. Single Ladies and gentlemen, Do not stick unmovingly to your checklist of things you want in a mate. He might not be 6’1″ with black hair and have a regular job. He might look different than what YOU had in mind. Don’t limit God’s blessings based on your fleshly desires and plans. We should all leave ourselves open for room for God’s plan. That means being flexible, expecting the unexpected and being open to (temporary) disappointment.

Samuel was grieved and then disappointed, probably even questioned God’s wisdom. Left to his own will Samuel would have never chosen David. But David was the very best choice for King later. When we submit to our God we submit to his will, but it is a submission into his loving, fatherly hands that see all and know all. Keep praying for guidance & discernment, friends! His best might be what you never expected.

Let me tell you about the life of a writer. You get rejected. Like, all the time, 24/7, every day. It’s just part of it. I jokingly say I’m a married woman who still feels like she’s in dating relationships because you present your best (to an agent) and then wait by the phone for him to call, wondering if it’s you or if it’s them, if there something you should change (about your work), etc etc etc. You actually get immune to the sting of rejection. It’s just part of the song and dance of being a writer, or any artist, really.

But then there are of THE DAYS.

THE DAYS when you’ve heard “no”‘just one too many times. Those days? It’s hard.

Maybe you’ve had days like that where you’re usually OK, but this particular day you’re just tired. Tired of your best not being good enough. Tired of trying. Tired of trying harder to only be “barely mediocre.” This, my friend, is the face of perseverance. We talk about perseverance in the church like it’s an honorable thing, but, like all honorable things, it is gritty and it is hard. It’s one thing to dust yourself off and try again when you’re feeling spry and able, but to pick yourself up after your 38th fall, still dusty and sweaty from the last falls, isn’t easy and it isn’t fun. But it IS where champions are made. Perseverance is the athlete who is practicing when everyone else has gone home, long after all the cheerleaders have left. Perseverance is continuing that class when you know you’re only going to get a C when you’ve always had straight A’s. Perseverance is giving up your dream of more college to support your growing family and their needs. That’s the thing about this glorified “perseverance” we talk about: it’s not glorious. It’s “hard choices” and “change of plans” and “continuing on” with sweat and blood trickling from your beat-up knuckles- from banging on closed doors for too long. It’s long nights & cry fests, self-doubt and “almost give ups”. It is a journey full of high hills and deep valleys.

But it IS doable. Philippians 3:12-15 encourages us: “I have not yet attained the goal, but one thing I do: forgetting what is behind, I STRAIN on to what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize.” Perhaps you’ve hit some snags in your spiritual life. You’re tired of trying and failing and trying and failing. The good news of this verse is that it implies it is SUPPOSED to be hard. STRAINING is not easy. But do we give up because it is hard? God forbid! Rather, like the athlete, we dust ourselves off and continue on. If you are weary and worn, have peace in knowing that this is part of the journey. It’s what perseverance is all about.

I am an over thinker. I can ruminate a thought like a cow chewing cud. I have a tendency to be flighty, so I over compensate by over analyzing things to death. But there are some things where this is futile.

Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “There are mysterious things God has (purposefully) hidden from us.” There are some things that, no matter how hard we pray or how thoroughly we search the scriptures, will never be answered. As an official OverAnalyzer this is frustrating! However, there is a simple (but oh, so difficult, cure): LET GO.

To over thinkers this feels like water on a vampire, yet it is the only cure to keeping one’s sanity. However, for the Christian, it comes with a safety net. You see, we don’t just willy-nilly “let go”. No. We let things go but INTO HIS HANDS. The hands that control all and promise to work all things for our good. The hands that back up the promise with nail scars. God wants the best for us. Whatever we have to release, He is more than capable of taking and reworking, like a potter and clay. That bad decision you cant change? Release it. That closure that eludes you? Let it go. That thing you just cant control? Let it go. All into His capable hands, trusting that the One Who has hidden these mysteries from you has done so for a loving reason. What is necessary in letting go? TRUST. Like a “trust fall”, you cannot let go without TRUST. Trust Him in the things you cannot see.

Last night the pop culture world was all “atwitter” about the ABC show The Bachelorette. I confess I watched this time because the bachelorette confessed Christianity. I’d hoped this season would show a different kind of dating.

Wrong.

Not only was it not as tame, it was worse. The bachelorette, while claiming to be a christian, sung the praises (literally) in anticipation of the “fantasy suite” (i.e. fornicating lair lol) option and proceeded to dance a greek goddess dance after a night in the suite. There was no doubt as to what had happened. A particular contestant, Luke P, had specifically joined this season, excited to meet a fellow believer. In their final one-on-one date, he told her he was concerned about hearing she was singing the praises of the fantasy suite & rightly so. She had self branded herself as a Christian – to fellow Christians that comes with certain expectations. Namely, that we ABSTAIN FROM SIN as much as possible. One guess as to what ensued…

Yep. The “you can’t judge me” speech. Poor Luke P never knew what hit him. She sent him off with the flip of her middle finger, a disgusted eye roll, and “how dare you tell me what to do” speech, shocked, for some reason, that someone called her bluff.

I’m sorry, but frankly I’m over it. Part of being “in the family of God” is having ACCOUNTABILITY with fellow members. People who lovingly help us stay away from things that separate us from God. We are actually TOLD to warn our brothers “lest they fall” (into hell). The judging the Bible actual forbids is referring to JUDGING THEIR SOUL, to say someone is “going to hell”. But imploring and rebuking fellow christian brothers and sister to “stay the course” are actually what Paul and all the apostles DID and ENCOURAGED. Is it easy? No. Do we LIKE to rebuke? No. But, sometimes it is necessary.

One of my favorite bloggers, Matt Moore, left the homosexual lifestyle. One of his quotes stuck with me. Concerning a “loving” church he had attended, who never rebuked him: “They would have quietly “loved” me straight into the pit of hell”.

Somewhere along the way, we’ve let sexual sin creep in. It’s not ok. Neither is my gluttony or your gossiping. But we’ve got to stop hiding behind the “you can’t judge me” phrase. That “right” was left at the foot of the cross when we died to ourselves. No, you do not have a right to judge my SALVATION but, Yes, you do have a right AND AN OBLIGATION to judge and rebuke and help remove my sin. It’s part of the deal. “Shall we go on sinning, since His grace covers us?? NO! God forbid! We died to sin when we were baptized – how can we stay there now?” (Romans 6:1-3, AET April Estes Translation lol) So, PLEASE judge me. If my actions are not lining up with God’s will please let me know. Don’t “quietly love me into the pit of hell.” Sin is deceiving, my friend. You can be IN IT and not even SEE IT. Let’s vow to be each others’ lifelines, comrades, and push each other onto glory!

David is one of the most well-beloved people of the Old Testament, and with good reason. We are told he was a “man after God’s own heart.” But he was not perfect. In I Samuel 20 we are told of the parting of David and his best friend, Jonathan. We are told the heart of Jonathan was knit to the heart of David. They were more like brothers than friends. In a shocking twist, their fears are realized when they discover Jonathan’s father (King Saul) is intent on David’s demise – to the point of death. In a heartbreaking scene, Jonathan sends David a message (through arrows) that it is unsafe to remain at the palace and he should, indeed, flee.

In the next chapter, we find David on the run, scared. “Scared silly,” we would say in the South. In chapter 21, he gives a white lie to the priest, insinuating he is on a mission from King Saul (a lie that would result in the killing of that priest and 83 other priests, later). The priest, of course, aids David with food (the Showbread, no less!) and a weapon, but not just any weapon: it was the sword of Goliath. This is almost too symbolic! In David’s worry and hurry, he ran in fear – forgetting the promises of the Lord. Forgetting he had been anointed the next King. Forgetting God, himself. And in his frantic fear and anxiety, he did what many of us do: relied on himself (note the word “lie” in “relied”, here) and TOOK UP THE ENEMY’S WEAPONS. This same David, who once challenged Goliath with a sling and a stone because he KNEW the strength came from the Lord, was now hiding in fear, lying to the priest of God and wielding the weapons of the enemy.

Symbolic, much?

But don’t we do the same? When the darkness rolls in like a surprise storm, we accept the arrows of doubt that Satan throws our way: our God becomes a lot smaller, less able and a lot farther away…in our minds. And what do we do? We fret and manipulate and try to control the situation – even relying upon the weapons of the Enemy (lying, hiding, etc).

The interesting thing about the enemy’s weapon? IT DID NOT FIT DAVID because IT WAS NOT MADE FOR HIM. It was too big, too cumbersome, to even be of much value. IT WAS MAINLY SOMETHING TO GIVE DAVID COMFORT, so he wouldn’t feel empty handed in the presence of his enemies. Isn’t that what we do? We run to food, or alcohol, or others to help us try to fight our battles, only to be disappointed. If only David had humbled himself and asked for help! In the same way, when times of spiritual danger arrive, we should fall before the Lord and seek His help instead of the weapons of the Enemy: worry, fret, manipulation, lies, deceit, etc. His hand can stay us, and His hand can save us!

This life is hard. There some things that we will never fix, get closure on, or be able to get over. There are people we long to see, but can’t and some burdens we long to unload but aren’t able to. Not yet. I wear a silver bracelet made out of forks to remind me of this:

There is a fable about an old woman who died. She was a wonderful cook and a pillar of the church. At her request, the funeral director placed a fork in her hand, lying upon her chest, for all to see as they strolled by to pay their respects. When the preacher finally came to the end of his sermon, he said, “And the fork? On potluck Sunday, she would always say, “Y’all hold onto your forks, cause the best is yet to come!” And today, for her, the best has finally come!”

There are some things that just have to wait ’til heaven. Some closures, reunions, healings, and questions that cannot be had here. In a way, it gives us something to look forward to, something to hope for. For God, death and this life is not the end. So, save your fork, folks! The best is yet to come!

Our youngest child has a stuffed animal named Polkadot. Polkadot has been with us about 6 years, and you can tell. Her white fur is faded grey, her once-fluffy fur lays flat, like old shag carpet and she’s been stitched up more than once in the same weak place. But most days? She’s wearing a pink pearl necklace and fancy dress. Why? Because our daughter still sees her as she ONCE was. Similarly, my husband and I married very young – just shy of 20 & 21. You could technically say I was a teenaged bride lol. I’ve gained 50 pounds since having 4 kiddos & 6 rounds of chemo, yet my husband still calls me beautiful. Why? Because he still sees me with young eyes.

Our God is like that: where we see spots and stains from sin and guilt, he sees a pristine bride, perhaps in pink pearls! Where we see shame and regret, he sees a whole, redeemed body – HIS body. But, you see, love is crazy like that: it sees the beauty despite the dirt & wear n’ tear. He calls us “beautiful” and “royal” and “special” and “chosen” – not because of anything we’ve done. No. But because He just chose to love us, calling us His people – some born in & some adopted -but ALL worn & stained. If you’re feeling down today, just remember God loves you like an old, dog-eared puppy…but sees you as His own, chosen bride, His precious One, His child! All seen through the lens of the blood of Jesus.

There was a King Hezekiah in the Old Testament with glowing reviews. “[He was] doing what was good and right and faithful before the Lord His God. In everything that he did in the service of God’s temple and in obedience to the law and the commands, he sought his God and worked wholeheartedly.” (2 Chronicles 31:20) Many times in the account of kings in the Bible it will simply say: he ruled (thirty) years and did evil/right in the eyes of the Lord, but we get a little more with Hezekiah. We see where he had proud moments and God’s wrath was poured out upon Judah and Jerusalem. However, he repented and God’s wrath subsided. Toward the end of Hezekiah’s life – despite serving God faithfully, right and well – God left him. “But when ambassadors from Babylon came to ask him about the miraculous sign [in the heaven God had performed], GOD LEFT HIM to TEST HIM and to know everything that was in his heart.” This doesn’t seem right or fair. Hezekiah has served God faithfully, only to be left. But Hezekiah is not alone. Abraham was also told to go and sacrifice his child he loved, Isaac. I am sure Abraham felt abandoned by His Lord then, as well. Why would a loving Father do such a thing? We are told in Hezekiah’s case it was “to test him to KNOW EVERYTHING IN HIS HEART.” After Abraham’s ordeal,God is recorded as saying, “NOW I know that you love me [God] because you have not withheld [that which you love most] Isaac.” It is not popular in today’s culture to say God will leave us, but here we see (for a time) He will. Not to punish us, but to prune us – to see what we are made of. Perhaps for our knowledge as much as His. For those who love the Lord wholeheartedly, the testing will come, but those times are designed to teach us: show us where our weakness lie, produce perserverence and make our faith solid. The good news is the testing doesn’t last forever. “He setteth an end to the darkness” (Job 28:3). Stay strong and courageous, brave one! For the trying of our faith shall come forth as gold!

Genesis 22:3 is One of my favorite verses. “Early the next morning [Abraham went]”. Strange verse to be a favorite, I know. But what makes it my favorite centers around one word: EARLY.

Abraham was old. He’d had to wait over 90 years for his Promise – a son who would make him the Father of a Nation. But finally, after decades and a biggg manipulation, he becomes a father to Isaac.

Imagine his shock when, in verse 2, God tells him to take his son Isaac and SACRIFICE him upon a fiery altar! We have many accounts of God giving messages to people and usually they are followed up by questions from people: Moses asked if he could take his brother to help him speak, Mary asked how she would have a baby since she’d not known a man, and Gideon laid down a fleece prayer – TWICE – to confirm he heard God right in his call to battle.

But Abraham? There was no question. There was no “huh?”. There was no fleece. HE JUST OBEYED.

And he didn’t just OBEY, he obeyed IMMEDIATELY. “EARLY in the morning he left” to sacrifice his one and only son – his cherished promise. EARLY.

Oh, to have that kind of confidence in God! I pray God grants us all that kind of trust in Him!

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After a year of not being able to climb the stairs, dress myself in my pants & shoes & limited driving no one told me I’d have to learn to live again. Long after the cancer, i found myself still doing (and not doing) things the way I used to when I had cancer – because of habit – like selecting shoes that i could put on without help, not picking up things from the floor if they required I bend over, etc. FOur years later I still found myself bending over with my right leg stretched straight behind me. THE PAIN HAD LONG GONE BUT THE HABIT REMAINED. It took a while, reminders, and planning to retrain my mind and body to put away those old habits that didn’t suit me anymore. I had to be intentional in my thinking & actions. Similarly, as we grow in Christ, we will have to put away old habits that don’t suit us anymore. It is not easy. It takes a deliberate effort to identify & rid ourselves of those things. I Cor. 6:10-11 says “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” It is hard & sometimes soul wrenching, but it is possible with God’s help to change. What things don’t suit you as a Christian anymore? What habits need to be broken? Do you need to change the MANNER in which you do something – perhaps from harsh to softer? Take a minute today to self reflect and ask God to show you what no longer suits you & ask for help in breaking old chains. (Words by April Estes, art by Ruth Chou Simons)